It was a beautiful day, with the sun shinning bright
there wasn't a single raincloud in sight
So I grabbed my wife and we headed outside
Hopped in the car and we took a little ride
To the beach for a day of sun and to relax
And perhaps a little picnic so we can have some snacks
But I must remember to put on my sunscreen
'Cause that sun is so bright and a burn would be mean
If you've seen my flesh, it's tends to be blinding
I'm not outside often so I need some reminding
To apply the SPF to my skin
or else I'll resemble a lobster again

Chorus:
Hey look the sunshine's here
and everybody cheers
But I must admit
It gets a little severe
I'll put some sunscreen on
'Cause I am wicked pale
But what SPF will that entail?
Will it be 109
or only 85
I want to picnic
and survive
I've got to cover up
With the whitest stuff
What SPF will be enough?

So I grab the stuff and I'm about to apply
When some bully comes by, kicks sand into my eye
"Oh my!' I exclaim "Did you have to be rude"
"You got sand in my eyes, and also my food"
He stands above me, looking like Charles Atlas
Eyeing my wife to take home to his mattress
"What are you doing with this pale little zero
Just dump this albino and get with a hero
I'll let you put SPF all over my back
We'll lay in the sun, and then hit the sack"
My wife just looked at me and gave me a wink
One thing we have in common is the way that we think

Chorus

So my wife heads over to the bully's beach towel
And just for effect I shoot him a scowl
He lays down, says his name is Jeff
"could you please put on me the SPF?"
She squeezes some out and starts rubbing it deep
Massaging so well, Jeff falls asleep
When he awakens, he finds that he's tan
except where on his back it says "Scooter Picnic Fan"