Hey, lookie! Ian's writing the liner notes for once!
So...this is sort of true. I'm terrible at math. Like, even the simplest of problems, I usually screw up. I'm back in school after a ten year absence and trying to finish out my remaining credits from when I left and get my Associates degree. I took my general education required math courses already, but I needed to take a science. Naturally, math reared its ugly head in that class too. I wrote a verse and gave it to Kyle with the suggestion of sampling "That's Mathematics!" by Tom Lehrer, which he did beautifully, adding his own verse and chorus. I must give credit to the supernatural steampunk acoustic rock star Jonah Knight, as I directly lifted his "math only works in theory" line from one of his songs, hence why I "copied off his test" in this song.
-II
lyrics
I:I was in my science class when I heard the students laugh
I couldn't do the lab 'cause I don't know how to math
I just can't understand the simplest problems
When it comes to math I just dunno how to solve them
Try as I might I always need a calculator
Doing math homework, I'm the great procrastinator
Addition and subtraction aren't really that tough
but throw in some fractions and I've had enough
Multiplying's ok, but I can't stand long division
I think I'd rather have a second circumcision
When taking a test I copied from Jonah, sitting near me
'Cause "the problem with math is that it only works in theory"
K:I don't know how to math.
I won't cry so I laugh.
When you read my epitaph
It'll say "He didn't know the math."
K:I've had a strange relationship with the arithmetic
When I think about the hours I wasted, makes me kinda sick.
See I guess I must've been good at it very early on
'Cause they elevated me to a class that's one step beyond
This led me to a bunch of concepts that I'll never use
and I was a year too young for them. I felt a bit abused.
I think that if I just stayed put I would've been ok.
But I barely even passed it even stud'yin hours a day.
On the plus side I had no math classes in my senior year.
But dude, you know how little math I use in my career?
Especially with calculators being commonplace
Advanced concepts I'll never use felt like a total waste
Chorus
I:It's bad enough when numbers are involved
but you throw in some letters and it'll never get solved
i before n equals negative five
and don't even ask me for the square root of pi
Calculus, algebra, it's all Greek to me
Don't get me started on trigonometry
'cause honestly, I see numbers and I worry
Can't tell an algorithm from an allegory
It's the same old story, as old as time
Just ask Newton or even Einstein
When it comes to math, I don't know nuthin' about it
That's why at tax season I hire an accountant
credits
from Headliners,
released May 11, 2012
words by Ian and Kyle
music by Tom Lehrer, Arthur Schwartz and Kyle
the great Luke Ski, Scooter Picnic's #1 fan, who appears on "I'd Buy That For A Dollar", and who occasionally has Ian and Kyle appear on his songs. Scooter Picnic
supported by 8 fans who also own “I Don't Know How To Math”
Kyle has a gift for creating earworms—catchy tunes that you just cannot get out of your head until they've achieved their purpose. (Which is? That would be telling...) At the moment I'm particularly fond of "I Don't Know Why There's a Bug in Here," which I predict within five years will dominate campfires and school buses. Brother Osric
supported by 7 fans who also own “I Don't Know How To Math”
This album is pretty much "all good" as they say. I like all the tracks, but somehow, "The Games I Used To Play" was my life in the '80s. Ian, you've done it again! roboknight