Ian: Iiiiiiiiiiiiiii'm terrible at wrapping Christmas gifts
No matter what size, I always get miffed
'cause i can't ever seem to cut the paper right
or i run out of tape and it takes all night
i never can judge how much paper to use
when wrapping gifts i just get confused
my taping is sloppy, my wrapping ain't nimble
I once used a whole roll just to wrap a thimble
I get so annoyed by ribbons and bows
and I think I've got tape stuck to the edge of my nose
I used to spread the paper out over my bed
"it was a flat surface to cut on", i said
but one year my mom turned as red as a beet
cause when i cut through the paper, i also cut my sheets
I once wrapped up a book, but it looked like a bonnet
So I just tossed it in a bag and threw tissue paper on it!

Chorus:
I can't wrap. It's a matter of fact.
I can't even hack keeping the presents intact. Bring back
the ice pack 'cause I don't have the knack. Can't wrap,
so I'm having an anxiety attack. Chap,
it's a mishap. Don't sarcastically clap.
My thumb is entrapped and I spilled cocoa on my lap.
I think I need a map or I'll finally snap
So just to recap, I cannot wrap.

Kyle: Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii'm terrible at wrapping gifts for my friends
Is it something 'bout testosterone that ultimately lends
itself to failure in keeping wrapping neat?
I can't be discreet. My failure is complete.
I'm Kyle! My wrapping skills are vile!
I'll ruin it with a smile! The present I'll defile! I'm
not living in denial! I think I will beguile you.
My incompetence, baby, is'a shining on through!
I got a page of sunday comics and some scotch tape
With a bit of desperation, you can do a lot, mate!
It looks like a 5-year-old got hold of a glue gun.
It's a total disaster, but you can tell that I had fun!
Somehow, I've got staples embedded in my face
I've reduced the scarf I got you to a piece of toxic waste.
I must insist that all my failure has a little charm.
Excuse me now, I must remove the scissors from my arm.

(CHORUS)

Ian: How do girls do this? I can't understand?
I use tape to seal the (BOTH:) paper cuts on my hand!
Yo Kyle! (Kyle:) Yes Ian? (Ian:) I think I have a plan
to help us with these presents, & it comes from Japan!
Kyle: You mean a present wrapping robot? (Ian:) Yo, you read my mind!
Kyle: But something like that might be tough to find!
Ian: It's the only way we'll be a Christmas Survivor
We'll build it ourselves (BOTH:) like our name was MacGuyver!
Kyle: Yeah. MacGuyver. I think I'll go watch some…
Ian: Focus, Kyle! Focus! Kyle: R-right. Getting work done.
Ian: Look, while you were talking, I bought us the mech!
Kyle: Look at that guy go! He's so high tech!
Our problems are over! Ian, you're a genius!
*half-line huge explosion* Ian: Oh no! I can't believe this!
Kyle: Well, way to go, dingus. It looks like all hope is lost.
Ian: Aw, what's Christmas without a nuclear holocaust?