Headliners

by Scooter Picnic

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about

TV's Kyle and Insane Ian have joined to bring you the nerdiest nerdcore album evaaaaar. 14 1/2 of these songs were written and recorded as part of the February Album Writing Month challenge.

credits

released May 11, 2012

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about

Scooter Picnic Burbank, California

TV's Kyle and Insane Ian are comedy musicians from theFuMP.com . They decided to start a nerdcore act and now it's your problem.

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Track Name: We Are Scooter Picnic
K: Ian!
I: Kyle?
K: Ian, are you ready to do this?
I: I am..moderately ready.
K: I'M ready to do this!
I: Then let's do this!
Both: Scooter Picnic in the house!

K: Our Name is Scooter Picnic! I'm Kyle and he's Ian!
We are the whitest rapping nerds That you have ever seen!

I: We are called Scooter Picnic, as you have just now heard
We rock a rhyme that's right on time, that's catchy and absurd

K: My name is TV's Kyle! I make the bloopy sounds!
Regurgitating crazy beats from midis that I found!

I: My name is Insane Ian! I like to play the games!
I'll rock your socks, and on Xbox, achievements I will claim!

Chorus: HEY! (x16)

K: Our name is Scooter Picnic! How do you friggin' do?
We've got a month to make some awesome nerdcore tracks for you!

I: Our name is Scooter Picnic! I'm Ian and that's Kyle
We may not be the best rappers but at least we have style!

K: My name is TV's Kyle! I tend to keep it clean.
My mutton chops will love you lots. What does that even mean?

I: My name is Insane Ian! By now I'm sure you know.
But I have to keep telling you, that's how this intro goes.

Chorus: HEY! (x16)

K: Our name is Scooter Picnic! He's Ian and I'm Kyle.
We hope you keep this record in rotation for a while.

I: We like the repetition and saying our own names.
Well Kyle does, that's obvious, but I think that it's strange.

K: My name is TV's Kyle! I like to draw cartoons
I bring to you my pirate cow and froggy suit raccoon!

I: My name's Insane Ian, It's time we moved along.
You've got the point of this here joint, Let's go play Donkey Kong!

Chorus: HEY! (x16)

K: We did it!
I: Yeah.
K: We got - got through the song!
I: Yes.
K: Ian! Ian, we did it.
K: Yes, Kyle. We certainly did.
Track Name: SPF
It was a beautiful day, with the sun shinning bright
there wasn't a single raincloud in sight
So I grabbed my wife and we headed outside
Hopped in the car and we took a little ride
To the beach for a day of sun and to relax
And perhaps a little picnic so we can have some snacks
But I must remember to put on my sunscreen
'Cause that sun is so bright and a burn would be mean
If you've seen my flesh, it's tends to be blinding
I'm not outside often so I need some reminding
To apply the SPF to my skin
or else I'll resemble a lobster again

Chorus:
Hey look the sunshine's here
and everybody cheers
But I must admit
It gets a little severe
I'll put some sunscreen on
'Cause I am wicked pale
But what SPF will that entail?
Will it be 109
or only 85
I want to picnic
and survive
I've got to cover up
With the whitest stuff
What SPF will be enough?

So I grab the stuff and I'm about to apply
When some bully comes by, kicks sand into my eye
"Oh my!' I exclaim "Did you have to be rude"
"You got sand in my eyes, and also my food"
He stands above me, looking like Charles Atlas
Eyeing my wife to take home to his mattress
"What are you doing with this pale little zero
Just dump this albino and get with a hero
I'll let you put SPF all over my back
We'll lay in the sun, and then hit the sack"
My wife just looked at me and gave me a wink
One thing we have in common is the way that we think

Chorus

So my wife heads over to the bully's beach towel
And just for effect I shoot him a scowl
He lays down, says his name is Jeff
"could you please put on me the SPF?"
She squeezes some out and starts rubbing it deep
Massaging so well, Jeff falls asleep
When he awakens, he finds that he's tan
except where on his back it says "Scooter Picnic Fan"
Track Name: Love Us Ironically
K: Hi everyladies. We're Scooter Picnic and uh *heh*
K&I: We're gonna talk about love.

K: TV's Kyle here and I feel like I have to mention.
That I'm having trouble getting all of your attention.
That's ok, I mean it doesn't really make me mad.
Not gonna write an emo song. It doesn't make me sad.
This is a message to the hipster ladies in the heezy.
I noticed that you have in in-ter-est in looking cheesy. Wearing
Grandma's sweater and you have the giant glasses on.
I'm droppin' knowledge and I hope you will all pass it on.
We are Scooter Picnic and we aren't everybody's flavor
But we have an aftertaste that I think that you'll want to savor
You don't have to like us like you the things you like to like
You can like us like a little rusty 80s trike
You can love us like you like a creepy mannequin
You can love us like you like a green army man
All I'm saying is to look at this methodically
Ladies you can love us ironically.

Chorus:
Love us.
Ironically.
We're not looking for sincerity
Love for the hilarity
Love us.
Ironically.
We'll gladly take the glory
even if it's only for the story.
Love us.
Ironically.
We don't care if you care.
We don't care if you stare.
Love us.
Ironically.
We're so bad that it's goooooood.

I: I can see that, ladies, you might be confused
Oh don't worry, girls, our egos can't be bruised
We're not expecting to be the next sex symbols
We just want you to love us like you do sprinkles
That you drizzle all over your ice cream cone.
No need to take us home. Or call us on the phone.
We will always be there upon your stereo.
Love us like we were your impresario.
Love us like you love to be the belle of the ball
Or how much you love the film Total Recall
Love us like you like to love the stuff no one else does
You love us just because of how we give you a buzz
Love us like you like the feelings we give to you
But not for the feelings of the stuff that we'll do
Love us and write our name on your notebook in school
You loved Scooter Picnic even before it was cool

Chorus:

K:We got it figured out. We know we aren't hotties.
But I got faith in you that you can find the chic in shoddy.
I: You may not want our bodies, but it's clear to us
You simply love us by the way we use a thesaurus
K: So you see we aren't looking for miracles.
Love us in a way you could call satyrical.
I: We're so lyrical, our words are so funny
Love us like the way that Gordon Gekko loves money
K: You can love us like you like an ugly old vase.
You can love us like you love a persian cat face.
I: Love us like you would an old pair of shoes
Love us like you love the dental floss you use
K: You can love us like you love an old monster movie.
You can love us like you find old disco groovy.
I: You can love us like your would your favorite pair of jeans
Love like you don't know what "ironic" means.
Track Name: I Live in the Future From You
I:
Here's a fact that you may not understand
Things happen to me before you've even planned
to have the activity happen to you.
I have the proclivity to make the future true.
I can see things well before they occur
At least it seems that way, I'm totally sure
For example, when something comes on the TV
at 12 o'clock, you won't see it til three
I celebrate New Years well before you do
This isn't some kind of time travel voodoo
These mysteries aren't for the fainthearted
I finish a countdown before yours has started
How do I do it? Is it some magic spell?
How do I predict the future so well?
Am I told all these secrets by some precognitive beast?
No, you're on the West Coast, and I'm on the East

Chorus:
I:You're on the West Coast and I'm on the East
K: THE FUTURE?
I: THE FUTURE!
I: You're on the West Coast and I'm on the East
K: THE FUTURE?
I: THE FUTURE!
I:You're on the West Coast and I'm on the East
K: THE FUTURE?
I: THE FUTURE!
I: You're on the West Coast and I'm on the East
K: THE FUTURE?
I: THE FUTURE!

K:
So you mean to tell me I'm living in the past?
Wow, I should've paid more attention in class
Say, can you use your powers to bet on Lakers games?
Or would you be overcome with dirty, rotten, shame?
Is daylight savings now time travel?
Or is this a theory for Doc Brown to unravel?
I know it may seem cynical I know that I'm a skeptic
But it's gettin', it's gettin', it's gettin' kinda hectic.
Ian, I think you're trying to pull a fast one on me.
Your claims don't hold water as anyone can plainly see.
I can't help but wonder if this has to do
with the five dollars that I lent to you.
But if you're in the future, how 'bout a warning
before you call with this crap at six in the morning?
Ohh, that's right, it's nine to you.
Well whoop-dee-freakin-future-doo.

Chorus:
I:I live in the future from you!
K: THE FUTURE?
I: THE FUTURE!
I:I live in the future from you!
K: THE FUTURE?
I: THE FUTURE!
I:I live in the future from you!
K: THE FUTURE?
I: THE FUTURE!
I:I live in the future from you!
K: THE FUTURE?
I: THE FUTURE!

I: It's totally the future and in our time,
I don't owe you a single dime.

K: Whatever, dorkus. It's just five bucks.
I don't really care, so I guess you're in luck.

I:I used my Jedi mind trick to change your feelings.
Don't my future powers send you reeling?

K:Long long ago and far far away.
Just quit while you're ahead, ok?
Track Name: Prince of Paperboy
I. Am. The Prince of Paperboy
You mess with me, and I will ruin your joy
I bring you news on time every day
From Easy Street on down to Hard Way
Cause I never fail, not rain nor hail
I just toss the paper in the box for your mail
You can send your dogs or a swarm of bees
I just laugh as I rack up more deliveries
I never stop, I just keep on pedaling
And your nosey neighbors will keep on meddling
I gotta watch out for skateboarders and drivers
And I only break the windows of non-subscribers

Chorus:

I am the Prince of Paperboy
Delivering papers with my BMX
Wrecking their windows is better than sex.
I am the Prince of Paperboy
I'll get enough subscribers to make it rain.
Wanna beat me, you're gonna feel the pain.

I am the Prince of Paperboy
I ain't never gonna call it quits.
A Perfect Delivery is what you'll get.
I am the Prince of Paperboy
Ladiiiiiiies.

The Grim Reaper appears and I don't even panic
I break enough glass I could sink the Titanic
He was a hispanic on that show, Captain N
but that was kind of weird, never speak of it again
I'm hoping your open to my apologies
The windows I've broken from my deliveries
Are only in pursuit of elusive high scores
To get more subscribers is all I ask for
avoid the barking dogs, and the cats as they attack
I always stay on track, giving drunks a smack
Never fall down a drain, no need to swear and cuss
Never so much as fuss as I dodge that school bus
You must trust I'll deliver all I carry
And those training missions are unnecessary
It gets hairy out there upon my route
But I'll win you over and my name you'll shout
No one can beat me, Best Paperboy ever
With my superpowered bike and my rhymes oh so clever
I'll deliver them all then enter my name
The Daily Sun reports, but it's only a game

Chorus

K- Well if Ian's the Prince of all Paperboy,
Then I will master a different toy
Back to the Future for NES
I'll be the king of this elegant mess
It's basically Paperboy except it's boring
LJN games are worth ignoring
This song drones on and yet it's clear,
Paperboy's theme fits! Isn't that weird?
Know what's better than the Daily Sun?
Throwing bowling balls. Way more fun.
What's with the outfit? Is that even Marty?
He and Johnny Bravo could have a same outfit party.
Track Name: Kyle, Are You Ian?
I: Folks always know me as Insane Ian
That weird little gamer, nerdy human bein'
I'm kinda funny looking with real big hair
And I'm recognizable by my buggy eye'd stare
I'm quick with a joke and to make you laugh
I'm ok a rapping but terrible at math
I can't really draw, never really could
Just because I can polka, doesn't mean I should
But one day I encountered a terrible obscenity
I had my own case of Mistaken Identity
I had a pic of me taken at a con
But the tag on Facebook got the name wrong
Now folks who do what I do all have goofy names
And because we like "Weird Al" our voices kinda sound the same
But the guy I was mistaken for has his own unique style
He lives in California and his name is TV's Kyle!

Chorus:
I: Kyle, Are You Ian? K: (Ian, Are You Kyle?)
I: Kyle, Are You Ian? K: (Ian, Are You Kyle?)
I: Is this Kyle I'm seein'? I know it's been a while
But Kyle, Are You Ian? K: (And Ian, Are You Kyle?)
K: Ian, Are You Kyle? I: (Kyle, Are You Ian?)
K: Ian, Are You Kyle? I: (Kyle, Are You Ian?)
K: Is it Ian I'm seeing, or some other human bein'?
But Ian are You Kyle? I: (And Kyle Are You Ian?)

K: I'm not saying that there's no similarity
between Ian and I, but there's plenty of disparities
I know that we're both dementia acts,
but Ian does parodies and I would never do that
Ian is known to write video game reviews.
I just play them and I usually lose.
I'm really into Tezuka and Spirou et Fantasio
Possibly he'd like 'em, but I don't think Ian has heard of those
Ian's got a dog and I have two cats.
Ian is relatively thin and I am relatively fat.
Ian's more outgoing, not that I'm a wallflower
But in front of a mic, Ian commands the world's power
Ian is the world's biggest Presidents fan.
I mean, I like 'em too, but holy crap, man!
Ian wears shorts, I never do that.
He can actually rock a backwards hat!

Chorus

I: Now this little quandary has invaded my laundry
Kyle has all my shirts, I remember them fondly
K: I use them as rags to wash my dishes
Cause they fit kinda off by a few dozen inches
I: I'm suddenly drawing Kyle's webcomic now
K: And I'm on the East Coast, tho I don't know how
I: Could it be that we have finally switched places?
K: I am afraid that's what it looks like the case is.

K: Kyle, Are You Ian? I: (Ian, Are You Kyle?)
K: Kyle, Are You Ian? I: (Ian, Are You Kyle?)
K: Is this Kyle I'm seein'? I know it's been a while
But Kyle, Are You Ian? I: (And Ian, Are You Kyle?)
I: Ian, Are You Kyle? K: (Kyle, Are You Ian?)
I: Ian, Are You Kyle? K: (Kyle, Are You Ian?)
I: Is it Ian I'm seeing, or some other human bein'?
But Ian are You Kyle? K: (And Kyle Are You Ian?)
Track Name: I'd Buy That For a Dollar (featuring the great Luke Ski, Lindsay Smith, and Carrie Dahlby)
Kyle:
I woke up on the right side of the bed today.
Looks like everything's gonna go my way!
I got to the table, there was sushi for breakfast.
I thought it was unusual but I ain't gonna question this.
Nintendo says there's a new Donkey Kong game
and they sent me a copy to confirm that it's not lame.
I thought I'd take a walk so I stepped outside
Chocolate chip cookies were just pouring from the sky
I turned on my iPod and what did I see
but a new Spinto Band album loaded up for me
Just when I thought it could't get any better
A girl walked up to me. She was filling that sweater
She said "Hi, I'm from Hogwarts and I'm proud to announce
You're accepted into Ravenclaw. Y'wanna see me bounce?
I'm not just gonna say yes, I'm gonna holler:
I'd buy that for a dollar!
All: I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
Kyle: Oh, what's that? I'm the 100th caller?
All: I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
[Bixby Snyder: "I'd buy that for a dollar!"]

Ian:
Let me tell you about the best day I ever had
Nothing wrong happened, no nothing was bad
The sky was shinning so clear and so bright
There was not a single rain cloud anywhere in sight
I opened up my email and what did I see?
A treasure map to find those lost copies of ET
For 2600 that were buried in the desert
On top was a note, and I'll read you this excerpt
"You've found the lost games, now bring them to me"
The note was signed by Christina Ricci
It had an address and plane ticket attached
It didn't take long for that plan to be hatched
I hopped on a flight, I arrived at her home
She was wearing a bikini and she handed me some scones
She gave me her number and told me to call her.
Well, I'd buy that for a dollar!
All: I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
Ian: Do you need change? I don't have anything smaller.
All: I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
[Bixby Snyder: "I'd buy that for a dollar!"]

Luke:
I can out-Mary-Sue the both of you two,
Because today I won Monopoly while I was playing Clue.
I got the one-percenters to give teachers their salaries,
And made anti-matter bacon that's negative calories.
Went back in time and stopped the Boston Massacre
With the aid of my real working flux capacitor.
Groped Lindsay Lohan when I made a pass at her.
[cell phone ring][phone voice: Luke, I need your help!] Sure thing, John Lassetter,
I'll do the lead voice in the next Pixar flick,
But only if you bring back "The Muppet Show" quick,
And greenlight that Roger Rabbit sequel while you're at it.
[phone voice: You'll have it, dag nabbit! ] My new car is an AT-AT.
So be sure to say 'Hi' when my tour comes to town.
It's me, the Fat Boys, and Digital Underground.
Humpty says, [Humpty: Yo, Luke Ski, it's time to bust a rhyme.]
So I gave him 3 quarters, 3 nickels, and a dime, ‘cause,
All: I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
Luke: Anything less would be putrid squalor!
All: I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
Track Name: Pudding
K: I was sitting in my chair and while I was sitting there,
I decided I would get myself a snack.
I got to the fridge and I poked about a smidge
and I found myself some pudding that I'd packed
I couldn't eat my pudding 'cause along came Cuba Gooding
Jr and he told me "Kyle I need your help!"
My name is Cuba Jr and I'm coming from the future
To ask for something I can't do myself.
I've come to the past 'cause I wanted to ask
If you'd star in "Doggy Day Camp" 'cause I can't.
I said "if Ian can come with me" and he said "that's kinda iffy"
But he said "ok", then did a magic chant.

I: So Kyle grabbed his phone and he called me at my home
and said "Ian, we're gonna make a movie!"
So I grabbed a plane pronto and I flew it to Toronto
'cause filming in Canada is more groovy
I said to Cuba Jr "well, I woulda been here sooner
but I wanted to re-write the whole damn script"
Well Kyle seemed happy 'cause he thought the first was crappy
But he read my version and his lid was flipped
He didn't like the part when Kyle walked on to fart
and then disappeared to ne'er be seen again
But I had to explain, as I sang him this refrain
"On the soundtrack you can play the theramin"

K: So, I dressed up like Tonto and flew over to Toronto
Despite the fact that I'm a big white dude.
I watched Ian perform, I was laughing up a storm.
And my fart scene was tasteful, although rude.
Jeff Garland remarked, "Man, at least you got a fart.
Ian made me wear a dog suit for no lines!"
I said, come on Jeffy G, and I'll let you play with me
We'll play the theramin at the same time!
The movie itself bombed, but my little woo-woo song
Was number one on every single chart.
Now Jeff and I are pallin' 'round. We'll be on next week's Fallon.
We formed the duo known as "No More Farts".

I: Well the band "No More Farts" had quickly topped the charts
So they decided to go on a world wide tour
They went to France and Turkey, then down to Albuquerque
And a couple places that are a bit obscure
They became world renowned and soon they had found
That everything they wanted they could have
But I felt slighted when Kyle and Jeff were knighted
and all I got was a t-shirt and a half
of a sandwich but Kyle just told me I should smile
even though he always says I should shut up
And even tho I'm sad I don't feel so bad
'cause I got Kyle's last pudding cup
Track Name: Tokusatsu Heroes
Tokusatsu Heroes
words by Kyle & Ian
music by Isao Sasaki and Kyle

K: IAN!
I: What?
K: Ian, let me tell you about the best team of Japanese superheroes evar!! LISTEN!

Once upon a time, a bunch of normal teens.
Decided to go fishing in a radioactive stream.
Radioactive fish means radioactive powers.
They fight the evil Thrakkorzogs when it is after hours.
They wear multicolored outfits with a seafood theme
They have a sharktopus robot which runs on power steam.
World super-peace is their greatest wish.
They're the Super Sentai Underwater Team GoFish!

Chorus:
You have nothing to fear-o!
Let's give a cheer-o!
Let's strike a pose for the Tokusatsu heroes!
Kicking butt on a budget!
You gotta love it!
Tokusatsu Heroes, they can rise above it!

Ian: Uhhh, well, let me tell you about the one I, um, "saw".

There is a magic duo, their style is so def!
Their superhero names are simply Carlos and Jeff
They can stop all evil throughout space and time
And even put your fallen laundry back on its line!
They get their orders from the Chief, their master
and attack their enemies with the Sonic Deciblaster
They've defeated Satan, and stopped Hitler II's crimes
with the Sonic Warriors it's A-hole Bashing Time!

Chorus:
You have nothing to fear-o!
Let's give a cheer-o!
Let's strike a pose for the Tokusatsu heroes!
Kicking butt on a budget!
You gotta love it!
Tokusatsu Heroes, they can rise above it!

K:Ian, you've never seen a tokusatsu show before, have you?
I: No, and honestly, I don't understand why you have.
K:Maybe it's because you don't understand fun, Ian.
I: (sarcastic) Yes, Kyle. I don't understand fun.
K: (cutting Ian off) Well, let me help you by telling you about the other best Japanese superhero evar!!
I: Must you?

K: In the retrofuture year of 198-a-billion
There's an evil overlord and he's doin' some killin'! (I: retrofuture?)
Scooter Rider Hitman is here to save the day!
He'll use his uber mechascooter skills to save the day! (I: you just rhymed...)
His father was Scooter Rider Silver in the 80s.
Now his son has Scooter Powers! He's a big hit with the ladies! (I: naturally)
He's got wrestling lazors that he'll use for Superzombie zappin' (I: wrestling LAZORS?)
He's gonna save the futuretimes before they even happen!

Chorus:
You have nothing to fear-o!
So give a cheer-o!
Let's strike a pose for the Tokusatsu heroes!
Kicking butt on a budget!
You gotta love it!
Tokusatsu Heroes, they can rise above it!

K:You've really got to watch these someday, dude.
I: Yeah. No I don't.
Track Name: I Don't Know How To Math
I:I was in my science class when I heard the students laugh
I couldn't do the lab 'cause I don't know how to math
I just can't understand the simplest problems
When it comes to math I just dunno how to solve them
Try as I might I always need a calculator
Doing math homework, I'm the great procrastinator
Addition and subtraction aren't really that tough
but throw in some fractions and I've had enough
Multiplying's ok, but I can't stand long division
I think I'd rather have a second circumcision
When taking a test I copied from Jonah, sitting near me
'Cause "the problem with math is that it only works in theory"

K:I don't know how to math.
I won't cry so I laugh.
When you read my epitaph
It'll say "He didn't know the math."

K:I've had a strange relationship with the arithmetic
When I think about the hours I wasted, makes me kinda sick.
See I guess I must've been good at it very early on
'Cause they elevated me to a class that's one step beyond
This led me to a bunch of concepts that I'll never use
and I was a year too young for them. I felt a bit abused.
I think that if I just stayed put I would've been ok.
But I barely even passed it even stud'yin hours a day.
On the plus side I had no math classes in my senior year.
But dude, you know how little math I use in my career?
Especially with calculators being commonplace
Advanced concepts I'll never use felt like a total waste

Chorus

I:It's bad enough when numbers are involved
but you throw in some letters and it'll never get solved
i before n equals negative five
and don't even ask me for the square root of pi
Calculus, algebra, it's all Greek to me
Don't get me started on trigonometry
'cause honestly, I see numbers and I worry
Can't tell an algorithm from an allegory
It's the same old story, as old as time
Just ask Newton or even Einstein
When it comes to math, I don't know nuthin' about it
That's why at tax season I hire an accountant
Track Name: Milk and Cookies
K&I: Milk and cookies! Cookies and milk!
Snickerdoodles, hydrox, or something of that ilk!
I dunk and I dunk 'til it's soggy as can be!
I'll share mine with you if you share yours with me!

K:I like cookies! But they're kinda dry!
I like to add the moisture that milk can provide!

I: I like milk, It's my favorite drink!
It's strengthens my bones, and it helps me think!

K: I dunk in mixed company! I dunk when I'm alone!
I dunk when I'm talking with my grandma on the phone!

I: I always dunk my cookies in my milk glass
But only when I finish my homework after class!

K&I: Milk and cookies! Cookies and milk!
Snickerdoodles, hydrox, or something of that ilk!
I dunk and I dunk 'til it's soggy as can be!
I'll share mine with you if you share yours with me!

K: I like to dunk gingersnaps, then I say "What's the haps?"
I like to dunk sugar cookies when I chill with some wookiees!

I: I dunk snickerdoodles while petting a french poodle!
I dunk Oreos when I hang with my bros!

K: I like to dunk a macaroon while watching cartoons!
I like chocolate chocolate chip while cracking the whip! (Hurry up, Ian.)

I: Any old time is good for milk and cookies!
You offer them to me and I will squee...
I&K: "oh, goodie!"

K&I: Milk and cookies! Cookies and milk!
Snickerdoodles, hydrox, or something of that ilk!
I dunk and I dunk 'til it's soggy as can be!
I'll share mine with you if you share yours with me!
Track Name: Y'all Don't Even Know How Puff I Be
K: Y'all don't even know how puff I be.
I'm the bad mac daddy known as Kyle C.
When y'all see me better get out my way
'Cause the puff on me is gonna blow you away.
Y'all don't even know how puff I be.
I'm the big mo-facky known as Kyle C.
Gonna get my way with my vintage vest
The puff in my stuff makes me da best.

K: I be thriftin'. Y'all be shifting in yo' chair
Y'all can't help but stare at my vestitude.
Best be liftin' your eyes. No compromise.
I despise the lies, that you think that you're not bein' rude.
I got the mutton chops size of a triceratops
and I need the perfect kind of outfit to complete the look
Ain't no MacGuffin. There's a reason for my puffin'.
Ain't many nerds who can make this sassy action work.
The ladies love this. They gotta hug this.
I'm lovey dovey puffy but bad as the power glove, this.
See my corduroy? Ain't no simple toy.
It goes VOOP VOOP VOOP bringing all the shawtys joy
Yeah, let 'em stare. At my vest there.
They can look but they can't touch 'cause I don't plan to share.
Don't be gruff with me. Don't play rough with me.
Just 'cause y'all can't handle how puff I be.

K: Y'all don't even know how puff I be.
I'm the bad mac daddy known as Kyle C. (I: Kyle C!)
When y'all see me better get out my way
'Cause the puff on me is gonna blow you away. (I: way and away?)
Y'all don't even know how puff I be.
I'm the big mo-facky known as Kyle C. (I: Kyle C!)
Gonna get my way with my vintage vest
The puff in my stuff makes me da best.

K: Ian, have you even owned a puffy vest?
I: As with most of your obscure interests...no.
K: Well, then do a verse about how awesome I look in my puffy vest.
I:What?
K:Just do it!!
I: Oooh!

I: So TV's Kyle thinks that his vest is the puffiest
Livin' large and in charge in his puffy vest
He's got the swaggar and the skills on the mic
and enough puff to keep you comfy all night
His vest is warm, and so versatile
You may as well change his name to Puff Daddy Kyle
He's got so much style, and the ladies all smile
Tho his arms may start to get cold after a while
'cause it's just a vest, it ain't got no sleeves
but it's nice to wear in case there's just a light breeze
He's ready to please, he ready for weather
it's made from goose feathers, so he's Down for whatever
For worse or for better, Kyle don't need no sweater
Just give him his vest, he's a fly jet setter
His vest is the best, so take it from me
Y'all can't handle how puff he be!

K: Y'all don't even know how puff I be.
I'm the bad mac daddy known as Kyle C. (I: Kyle C!)
When y'all see me better get out my way
'Cause the puff on me is gonna blow you away. (I: Like his rhyme skills!)
Y'all don't even know how puff I be.
I'm the big mo-facky known as Kyle C. (I: Kyle from TV!)
Gonna get my way with my vintage vest
The puff in my stuff makes me da best.

K: Who's that walking down the streets of Little Tokyo?
It's TV's Kyle and he's got the puff to make ya say "IAN: Woah!
Lookit all dat puffin'! Lookit all dat stuffin'!
Lookit all that facial hair! What is he huffin'?"
What am I huffin'? I'm only huffin' coffee fumes.
I'm suckin' up French Roast like I'm a vacuum.
But the source of my power. It ain't in any tower.
The funky feathers in my vest will make me stronger every hour.
I got the pow'r and might to be hecka tight! (Ian: Hecka?!)
If you say that ain't right, then there's gonna be a fight!
Now, when I say fight, I mean a verbal one. I'm a pacifist.
You're not gonna see me swingin' round my fists.
Besides your fist of fury only gonna hit the puff of my vest.
It'll bounce back and his you in the face, so give it a rest.
Don't be gruff with me. Don't play rough with me.
Just 'cause y'all can't handle how puff I be.

K: Y'all don't even know how puff I be.
I'm the bad mac daddy known as Kyle C. (I: Kyle from TV!)
When y'all see me better get out my way
'Cause the puff on me is gonna blow you away. (I: like something windy!)
Y'all don't even know how puff I be.
I'm the big mo-facky known as Kyle C. (I: with Ian B!)
Gonna get my way with my vintage vest
The puff in my stuff makes me da best.

I: This is the last song I'm doing about obscure things you like, right?
K: I'm not making any promises.
I: That's what I thought.
Track Name: I Can't Wrap
Ian: Iiiiiiiiiiiiiii'm terrible at wrapping Christmas gifts
No matter what size, I always get miffed
'cause i can't ever seem to cut the paper right
or i run out of tape and it takes all night
i never can judge how much paper to use
when wrapping gifts i just get confused
my taping is sloppy, my wrapping ain't nimble
I once used a whole roll just to wrap a thimble
I get so annoyed by ribbons and bows
and I think I've got tape stuck to the edge of my nose
I used to spread the paper out over my bed
"it was a flat surface to cut on", i said
but one year my mom turned as red as a beet
cause when i cut through the paper, i also cut my sheets
I once wrapped up a book, but it looked like a bonnet
So I just tossed it in a bag and threw tissue paper on it!

Chorus:
I can't wrap. It's a matter of fact.
I can't even hack keeping the presents intact. Bring back
the ice pack 'cause I don't have the knack. Can't wrap,
so I'm having an anxiety attack. Chap,
it's a mishap. Don't sarcastically clap.
My thumb is entrapped and I spilled cocoa on my lap.
I think I need a map or I'll finally snap
So just to recap, I cannot wrap.

Kyle: Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii'm terrible at wrapping gifts for my friends
Is it something 'bout testosterone that ultimately lends
itself to failure in keeping wrapping neat?
I can't be discreet. My failure is complete.
I'm Kyle! My wrapping skills are vile!
I'll ruin it with a smile! The present I'll defile! I'm
not living in denial! I think I will beguile you.
My incompetence, baby, is'a shining on through!
I got a page of sunday comics and some scotch tape
With a bit of desperation, you can do a lot, mate!
It looks like a 5-year-old got hold of a glue gun.
It's a total disaster, but you can tell that I had fun!
Somehow, I've got staples embedded in my face
I've reduced the scarf I got you to a piece of toxic waste.
I must insist that all my failure has a little charm.
Excuse me now, I must remove the scissors from my arm.

(CHORUS)

Ian: How do girls do this? I can't understand?
I use tape to seal the (BOTH:) paper cuts on my hand!
Yo Kyle! (Kyle:) Yes Ian? (Ian:) I think I have a plan
to help us with these presents, & it comes from Japan!
Kyle: You mean a present wrapping robot? (Ian:) Yo, you read my mind!
Kyle: But something like that might be tough to find!
Ian: It's the only way we'll be a Christmas Survivor
We'll build it ourselves (BOTH:) like our name was MacGuyver!
Kyle: Yeah. MacGuyver. I think I'll go watch some…
Ian: Focus, Kyle! Focus! Kyle: R-right. Getting work done.
Ian: Look, while you were talking, I bought us the mech!
Kyle: Look at that guy go! He's so high tech!
Our problems are over! Ian, you're a genius!
*half-line huge explosion* Ian: Oh no! I can't believe this!
Kyle: Well, way to go, dingus. It looks like all hope is lost.
Ian: Aw, what's Christmas without a nuclear holocaust?
Track Name: I Noticed You Noticing Me
I strolled through the arena as the lights were dimming low
I begged the old ringmaster, told him i didn't really want to go
He smiled and he chuckled as he laughed at me and said
"I don't give a rats ass what you want, you're just as frikkin' good as dead"
I begged for my life, offered him all of my money
But he just handed me a chair, covered me with imitation honey
He then handed me a bullwhip, and gave me a salute
He pulled a rope then disappeared down a tiny trap door chute
The crowd began to chant, and much to my surprise
I found that the darkness was adjusting to my eyes
I saw it in the distance, and I began a'cryin'
For towering above me was a giant hungry lion!
The lion looked me over, and then said with a grin
"I really hope you've gone and notified your next of kin"
Startled that it was talking, but hoping that he'd fed
I tried to talk my way out of this, and this is what I said

Chorus:
K: I noticed you noticing me
I: Can't pretend, y'see.
K: That your eyes can't be
I: Far removed from me.
K: I noticed you noticing me
I: I see you hear, y'see.
K: Seems your ears can't be
Both: far removed from me.
K: I noticed you noticing me
I: Can't pretend, y'see.
K: That your eyes can't be
I: Far removed from me.
K: I noticed you noticing me
I: I see you hear, y'see.
K: Seems your ears can't be
Both: far removed from me.

K:
Is that slow enough? I can fit in more words this way.

I can't help but think that all the eyes are on me.
For example, this morning I was at the DMV.
I gotinthedoor about 10 seconds from the scheduled time.
And so they made me stand on the regular line. That's fine
I mean, theregularline was only roughly 20 miles long.
At the end the guy I stood behind was actually wearing a thong
Under his clothes, mind you, but it wasn't muchofa secret
But that wasn't the part that made me feel the ultimate regret

I gottothefrontoftheline about 14 hours later.
I was screamingandlosingmymind when they said I'd have to pay their
crazy fine from back in 1995 in Paducah, Kentucky?
I've never even been there! They're eternally lucky
I'm not the vi-o-lent type who would've broken their noses
But do you know just how many Kyle Carrozzas
there are? Well not many, but there's totally more than one.
But all eyes were on me when I pulled out that toy gun.

Chorus:
K: I noticed you noticing me
I: Can't pretend, y'see.
K: That your eyes can't be
I: Far removed from me.
K: I noticed you noticing me
I: I see you hear, y'see.
K: Seems your ears can't be
Both: far removed from me.
K: I noticed you noticing me
I: Can't pretend, y'see.
K: That your eyes can't be
I: Far removed from me.
K: I noticed you noticing me
I: I see you hear, y'see.
K: Seems your ears can't be
Both: far removed from me.

K: I'm Ian, I mean Kyle. Yes, of Scooter Picnic fame.
Since we wrote a little something, things just haven't been the same.
See we made a bunch of songs in the course of a month
And I know a coupl'a guys who just couldn't get enough.
Now we're being imitated and we couldn't love it more.
Especially Ian. He's a real attention whore.
Was it natural talent or a creative choice?
No, I just listened to my little inner voice. And he says…
Track Name: We Are Still Scooter Picnic
K: We are still Scooter Picnic. This is our final FAWM
We hope that you enjoyed our tunes and that you rapped along

I: We are still Scooter Picnic, thank you for sticking 'round
We hope you really enjoyed all the music that you found

K: We hope you liked the music. We did it really fast
We hope you pick your favorites and play them on your podcast

I: We didn't rap for glory, we didn't rap for wealth
And if you didn't like our raps, please keep it to yourself

I&K: Hey! (X16)

K: We are still Scooter Picnic. He's Ian and I'm Kyle
We hope you like the record that we've hastily compiled

I: My name is Insane Ian, he's Kyle of the TVs
let's drink a toast to those that boast about milk and cookies

K: Let's say goodnight to Jeff the jock and Jeff the Garland too
Go Fish and Scooter Rider Hitman saved the day for you

I: We are still Scooter Picnic, please don't let that nude gnome
named Peanut Butter Waffles anywhere inside your home

I&K: Hey! (X16)

K: Let's say goodnight to milk and cookies and the cupping cakes
I'm Kyle and that's Ian, please let there be no mistake

I: We are still Scooter Picnic, I'm Ian and he's Kyle
though once or twice we may have switched out who was who awhile

K:We have been Scooter Picnic We're happy that you came
If we were rapping without listeners that'd be pretty lame.

I: We are called Scooter Picnic, Hope like our CD
And maybe we will meet again, next Feb-ru-ar-y

I&K: Hey! (X32)